


And If You See Him

by hopingforaword



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anal Sex, F/M, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Sex, i think? lmk if it should be explicit l m a o, main ship is aaron/alexander
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-06-07 17:11:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6815452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopingforaword/pseuds/hopingforaword
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron Burr has never met a man who makes him feel the way Alexander Hamilton does. Aaron feels relaxed, infuriated, happy, annoyed, and loved when he talks to Alexander. He has no idea what any of it means, but he does know one thing: his life would be dramatically different if Alexander Hamilton had never nervously walked in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trouble When You Walked In

**Author's Note:**

> Named after "And If You See Him" by Diana Ross which contains the line, "Tell him I'm sorry."
> 
> This story started as Aaron looking back on Alexander's life, but then I thought, "How could I fit the line, 'Tell him I'm sorry,' into this story?" I'm not going to reveal it to you yet, but I do hope you enjoy this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This kid, this adorable–Aaron couldn’t think of another word to describe the unique combination of naïvety, pride, and the look on Alexander’s face–kid, wanted to be like Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift

“Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?” 

The voice sliced through Aaron’s calm. He had been reading  _ Common Sense _ by Thomas Paine, a book one of his friends from Princeton had recommended, and Aaron hated to be interrupted in his reading. He turned around and saw a young man, probably about his age, but who looked somehow younger. The thing that struck Aaron about the man was his eyes. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but the other man’s eyes looked almost purple. “That depends, who’s asking?”

“Oh well sure, sir.” The other man seemed nervous meeting Aaron, like a young boy approaching an older girl he fancied on the common. “I’m Alexander Hamilton. I’m at your service sir.” The man,  _ Alexander _ , Aaron told himself, stuck his hand out and Aaron shook it half heartedly. “I have been looking for you.”

As Aaron dropped Alexander’s hand, he scanned Alexander again. He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept in a few days, and Aaron was slightly worried that this Hamilton kid was out of his mind. “I’m getting nervous,” he said with false bravado.

 “Sir, I heard your name at Princeton–I was seeking an accelerated course of study–when I got sort of out of sorts with a buddy of yours. I may have punched him. It’s a blur sir. He handles the financials?”

_ Holy shit _ . This kid didn’t shut up. Once he got going, Alexander seemed to operate at 1000 words per minute. He was definitely nervous: nervous about offending Aaron and nervous about potential repercussions for his actions, but he was also definitely proud of himself. Aaron could tell just from the way he had said, “I was seeking an accelerated course of study.” This kid was going to be a force to be reckoned with, and worst of all, Alexander knew it. “You punched the bursar?”

Alexander looked at the ground and scuffed his feet in the dirt. “Yes. I wanted to do what you did: graduate in two and join the revolution! He looked at me like I was stupid–I’m not stupid! So how’d you do it? How’d you graduate so fast?”

Alexander was definitely younger than Aaron, probably by very little, but definitely younger. Aaron had never thought of himself as a role model, and his chest swelled with pride at the idea that someone else did. This kid, this adorable–Aaron couldn’t think of another word to describe the unique combination of naïvety, pride, and the look on Alexander’s face–kid, wanted to be like Aaron. But Aaron had never been good with words, and he was especially careful now that he knew Alexander revered him in some weird way. “It was my parent’s dying wish before they passed.” Aaron started to walk away, hoping against hope that Alexander would follow him.

Aaron was thrilled when he heard Alexander’s voice come from behind him again. “You’re an orphan? Of course! I’m an orphan.” Aaron turned around slowly, trying not to show that he was happy that Alexander had followed him. He could’ve sworn that Alexander spoke with at least three times as many exclamation points as the average person. Alexander was smiling. It occurred to Aaron that he didn’t think Alexander had stopped smiling since he had walked up to him and introduced himself. “God I wish there was a war then we could prove that we’re worth more than anyone bargained for!” 

Aaron tried not to smile. This kid was over-eager and over-exuberant, two things Aaron was not. He wondered if he had ever met a more eager or more exuberant person. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“That would be nice,” Alexander said shyly, only half smiling now. Aaron started walking briskly toward his favorite tavern and Alexander almost skipped alongside him. 

“So how old are you?” Aaron asked, trying to act as mildly interested as possible while still finding out as much information as possible about this young man who had so easily barged into his life. 

“Nineteen,” Alexander said.

“Only a year younger than me,” said Aaron, trying not to smile at the fact. He had been worried that Alexander was sixteen or seventeen, still a child. But Alexander was an adult. He looked at him out of the corner of his eye. Alexander was beaming, seemingly thrilled that this man he looked up to for whatever reason was only a year older than him. “Where are you from?”

“The West Indies,” said Alexander, and it was only then that Aaron heard the slight lilt in Alexander’s voice, a faint French accent mixed with a Dutch accent. It wasn’t out of place in New York City, where even in 1776 at least three languages could be heard walking down the street, but Aaron knew some people would put up a fuss about the sound. “What about you?” 

“Newark, New Jersey.”

“Oh.” Alexander let out a breath. “So you’ve probably never been to the West Indies, right?”

Aaron shook his head. He didn’t have any other questions, but he knew that if he got Alexander rolling he’d be able to speak for hours on end, maybe days. All he wanted to do was listen to Alexander talk. He wanted to let his voice roll over him. “Tell me about why you believe in the revolution.”

Alexander smiled and opened his mouth to begin talking. Aaron watched him as they ambled down the street, letting Alexander’s slightly accented voice wash over him and feeling less lonely than he ever had in his life.


	2. He Was Never Mine to Lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "A Heart Full of Love" from Les Miserables

Alexander was still talking when he and Aaron reached the tavern they had been walking towards. Aaron pushed open the tavern door. “While we’re talking let me offer you some free advice.” Aaron didn’t know what possessed him to cut off Alexander. Maybe because there were so many parallels between his life and Alexander’s, or maybe because he could suddenly vividly see Alexander’s downfall that would inevitably come from saying too much. “Talk less.”

“What?” Aaron was surprised at how sharply the word came out of Alexander’s mouth. He sounded as though Aaron had instructed him to shoot himself in the foot. Still, Aaron had to persist. He had to save Alexander from himself.

“Smile more.”

“Ha,” Alexander said, not truly laughing at all, and Aaron realized that Alexander had only just stopped smiling. Aaron was pretty sure if Alexander actually smiled anymore his cheeks would fall off.

“You want to get ahead, right? You want to get things done?”

“Yes,” said Alexander, and only then did Aaron understand the full reach of Alexander’s ambition. Alexander wanted to be in a position where people had to listen to his ideas. The idea worried Aaron. Alexander had so much power over Aaron every time he opened his mouth. Alexander could probably charm the fish out of water if he talked by the river long enough. 

Aaron walked up to the bar. The bartender said, “The usual Aaron?” 

Aaron nodded, gesturing to Alexander and holding up two fingers. He took the tankards the bartender offered and handed one to Alexander, saying, “Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead.” Alexander ignored him, seemingly enraptured by three men at a nearby table. 

John Laurens, the Marquis de Lafayette, and Hercules Mulligan were as ready to fight for American independence as Alexander. As Alexander drifted slightly towards them, Aaron saw Laurens and Mulligan exchange a look. Laurens stood up on his chair and shouted, “What time is it?” The other two joined in as he said, “Showtime!!!”

“I’m John Laurens in the place to be! Two pints of Sam Adams but I'm working on three!” He leaned into Lafayette’s side, laughing, as he continued, “Those red coats don't want it with me, ‘cause I will pop-chika-pop these cops ‘til I'm free!” He made eye contact with Alexander and Aaron swore he saw them both blush. 

Lafayette picked up where Laurens had dropped off, “Oui oui mon ami. Je m'appelle Lafayette, the lancelot of the revolutionary set. I came from afar just to say bon soir. Tell the king casse toi. Who is the best? C’est moi.”

Hercules Mulligan drummed on the table and began, “Brah, brah. I am Hercules Mulligan. Upping it, loving it, yeah I heard your mother said, ‘Come again!’ Lock up your daughters and horses. Of course it's hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets.”

Laurens jumped up on the table. “No more sex,” he said, but the wink and smile he gave Alexander suggested something else. “Pour me another brew son. Let's raise a couple more—”

“TO THE REVOLUTION!” all three men at the table shouted before Laurens caught Aaron’s eye. He pointed at Aaron and the other three men swiveled to look at him, Alexander included. 

“Well if it ain't the prodigy of Princeton College!”

“Aaron Burr,” Mulligan said to Alexander, who nodded. He already knew this man, or he thought he did. 

Laurens jumped off the table and walked towards Aaron. “Give us a verse, drop some knowledge.”

Aaron put his hands up. “Good luck with that. You're taking a stand. You spit, Imma sit, we’ll see where we land.”

Mulligan and Lafayette booed as Laurens said, “Burr, the revolution’s imminent. What do you stall for?” Aaron shrugged and began to sit when Alexander spoke up for the first time since Laurens had started speaking. 

“If you stand for nothing, Burr, what'll you fall for?”

Everyone looked a little surprised that Alexander had finally spoken, and especially that he had asked Aaron Burr such a confrontational question. 

“Who are you?” the three men at the table all asked in rapid succession. 

“This, my friends, would be Alexander Hamilton,” Aaron said. Alexander offered his hand, and each man shook it. Aaron tried not to notice the blush that creeped onto Alexander’s face when Laurens shook his hand. It was just the heat. 

“Alexander Hamilton,” Laurens said slowly, and with his Southern drawl Aaron thought Laurens could probably charm the fish out of water too. “How’d you end up with a type like Burr?”

“I was trying to accelerate at Princeton and I punched the bursar,” Alexander looked slightly ashamed, but Laurens laughed. 

“What'd you punch him for?” 

“He looked at me like I was stupid. I'm not stupid!”

“Oh, we can tell that, little buddy,” Laurens wrapped an arm around Alexander’s shoulders and Alexander smiled. Lafayette smirked at Laurens and Mulligan whispered something, probably a racy joke, to Lafayette, but Aaron felt something boiling inside him. Something like rage but more painful. Rage mixed with sadness. 

Aaron regretted coming here and introducing Alexander to Laurens. Laurens was exciting and entertaining and fun and…well… cute. But that last thing didn't matter. Did it? He looked at the glances being thrown between Laurens and Alexander. 

_ It did.  _

“So are you going to join the army Alexander?” Aaron asked mainly to get Alexander’s attention away from Laurens and back on him. 

“Of course!” Alexander exclaimed to cheers and roars from Laurens, Lafayette, and Mulligan. Aaron looked at Alexander, pale skin flushed red and light eyes shining as he dove into conversation with the revolutionaries surrounding him and smiled faintly. Aaron believed in the revolution, but he wasn’t as fiery as the others. He was in no hurry to get himself shot, but he had to fight for his country. Laurens punched Alexander jokingly and Aaron frowned. Despite being only a year older than Alexander, he already felt a draw to protect the younger man.

“Alexander, do you have somewhere to stay tonight?” Aaron asked, cutting over Lafayette’s ramblings about Paris, New York, and the impending revolutions. 

“Uh, yeah, I’ve been staying at the tavern two blocks over.”

“You could stay with me, if you like, and I’ll take you to join the army tomorrow.”

Alexander’s face lit up. “That sounds fantastic.” He turned to the three older men still seated at the table. “I guess I’ll see you on the battlefield.” Aaron watched Alexander and Laurens make eye contact for a long moment. “I hope that we will all stay fast friends. Goodnight!”

“Goodnight!” Laurens, Lafayette, and Mulligan called after Alexander and Aaron as they stepped out of the tavern.

“So you liked them, I take it?”

Alexander laughed and again Aaron was filled with the urge to do whatever it took to keep Alexander always making that sound. “I liked them,” Alexander said, “They’re all so passionate and loud. It’s hard to find men like that.”

“Really? I find myself surrounded by loud, passionate men.”

“Well maybe you’re just too quiet.”

“Maybe I’m thinking,” Aaron said, smirking.

“Hey!” Alexander said, stopping for a moment before running to catch up with Aaron, smiling as he opened his mouth to defend his own loudness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3 will be released on october 22nd


	3. And So You Should

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit gets steamy ;)

Three months later the war was in full swing, and Alexander sat waiting for Aaron at his desk. “Rough day?” Alexander asked as Aaron walked into his tent.

“Very funny, Hamilton. Get out of my tent.” Aaron collapsed onto his cot.

“I just wanted to see how it went, since I’m not allowed on the front lines.” Alexander stuck out his bottom lip and Aaron laughed. He was such a child sometimes. “C’mon, tell me about it.” Alexander stood up from where he was sitting at Aaron’s desk and sat down next to him on the cot. 

“I’d rather not.” Aaron looked up at him. “Can you just go? I want to get some sleep.”

“Hold on,” Alexander said, “Let me try something.” He leaned towards Aaron. 

“What are you doing?” asked Aaron incredulously. 

“You look like you need a kiss.” Alexander shrugged and said, “I figured a kiss from me was as good as anything.” 

“Really?” 

“Well, back home,” Alexander began, and Aaron knew that this was serious because Alexander never talked about home if he didn't have to, “Life was really short, so everyone kind of did what they wanted. No one gave a crap about who kissed whom or who had sex with whom. It all just kind of happened.” 

“You're saying you slept with men? As a teenager?” 

Alexander shrugged. “I'm not saying I did or didn't do anything at any age. But I am saying I wouldn’t tell anyone if you wanted to do anything.” Alexander stood up to leave and said, “You know where to find me.” 

He turned to leave, but Aaron grabbed his sleeve. “Wait, Alexander.” Alexander turned around. “Don't leave.” 

Alexander seemed happy but unsurprised as he sat down next to Aaron. He didn't say anything, but he leaned his head onto Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron wrapped his arm around Alexander’s shoulders and rested his head on Alexander’s. There were a few moments of silence before Aaron said, “If someone comes in right now we’re dead.”

“You’re lieutenant colonel, Aaron,” said Alexander and Aaron relished the way his first name sounded in Alexander’s vaguely accented voice, “No one’s going to come in without asking.”

“But if they did––”

“Fine! If you’re so convinced we’re going to get caught,” Alexander put his hand on Aaron’s thigh and turned to face him, “let’s do something worth getting caught for.”

Aaron scanned Alexander’s face. He had never cared for another man the way he cared for Alexander. He had never laughed so easily or smiled so much around anyone else. He had never found another man as beautiful as he found Alexander. Aaron had never been so happy to have another man touch him. He nodded.

“I don’t really know what to do,” said Aaron as Alexander moved to sit in front of him. “I’ve never,” he gestured vaguely with his hands, “ _ been _ with men.”

Alexander put his hands on Aaron’s knees and made little circles with his thumbs. “Relax Aaron,” he said as the colonel’s eyelids fluttered. “What would you do if I was a woman?”

Aaron looked at him. “I’d kiss you.”

Alexander nodded. “Just do the same things you would if I was a woman.”

Aaron leaned forward, pressing a light kiss onto Alexander’s soft lips. He pulled back and searched Alexander’s face. Alexander smiled and nodded, and Aaron pushed a kiss onto him again. This time he didn’t pull back.

It became immediately apparent to Alexander that while Aaron might be out of his element with sleeping with men, he was not at all inexperienced in other realms. Alexander felt Aaron bite his lower lip slightly before pushing Alexander’s mouth open with his tongue. Alexander responded by pushing his tongue into Aaron’s mouth and he heard a faint noise from the back of Aaron’s throat. As Aaron leaned even closer into Alexander, Alexander realized their seating arrangement was incredibly unsustainable, so he slowly, carefully laid down until Aaron was on top of him. Aaron pulled back, surprised by their new position. Alexander smiled at him and his blinding grin made Aaron smile back. He adjusted himself so he was straddling Alexander, and leaned back down into a kiss. Alexander wove his fingers into Aaron’s hair and massaged his scalp, eliciting a small groan from Aaron. Alexander smiled and ran his hands down Alexander’s face, tracing his jawline and following the front of his neck with a finger. As Aaron pulled back to move his mouth down Alexander’s neck he said, “This is the longest I’ve ever heard you quiet.”

Alexander laughed and groaned as Aaron’s teeth grazed a soft spot on his neck. “I can change that.”

“You’re going to take a vow of silence?” Aaron asked jokingly before moving his mouth to Alexander’s collarbone.

“Ha ha ha. I meant I could talk this whole time,” Alexander said, toying with the buttons on Aaron’s shirt before moving his hand to his own shirt. “Is it just me or is it a little,” he undid the top button, “hot in here?”

“Fuck,” Aaron whispered. He swiftly undid Alexander’s buttons, sweeping his hands over Alexander’s warm skin. “You’re so thin,” he whispered, pressing soft kisses to Alexander’s stomach. Aaron sat back, roughly undoing his own buttons and dropping his shirt by his side. He leaned forward, kissing Alexander roughly, their chests pressed together.

“Please, Aaron,” Alexander whispered, “Please.”

Aaron stood up, pulling off his own breeches before removing Alexander’s. He crawled back over him, totally exposed, and ran his hands over Alexander’s body. “You’re a beautiful man, Alexander Hamilton.”

Alexander flushed. “Thanks. You’re pretty handsome yourself, Aaron Burr.”

Aaron kissed Alexander hard, before pulling back. “What–what do I do?”

“Here,” Alexander displayed surprising strength, flipping Aaron under himself, “I’ll lead from here on out.” He sucked on his fingers in a sensual way that made Aaron groan. Alexander pulled his fingers out of his mouth, leaning forward to kiss Aaron’s neck and chest, listening to his moans. “Okay,” Alexander panted, “Just–go slowly.” He sat still as Aaron figured out what he meant and held his breath as Aaron eased gently inside him. Alexander let out a slow exhale as he slowly moved up and down over Aaron, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat and listening to his groans.

“Christ, Alexander,” Aaron gasped, “How do you do this?”

“Practice,” Alexander said through a smile, increasing the speed he was bouncing at. 

“Fuck,” Aaron groaned as he came. Alexander smiled serenely, painting Aaron’s neck with white streaks. He stood up slowly, pulling himself off Aaron before collapsing down next to him. Aaron ran his fingers through the mess on his chest and licked them clean. 

“Aaron?” Alexander whispered.

“You were right. I needed that.”

Alexander stood up. “Everyone does sometimes.” He got dressed quickly, returning to his previous state, looking like a perfect soldier. “Just let me know if you ever need a cheering up again.”

“Stay?” Aaron asked from his cot.

Alexander kissed him on the forehead. “You know I can’t. But I won’t be that far away. Same side of the same war, Aaron. Goodnight.” He left, slipping into the darkness, and Aaron collapsed onto his back, wondering what he had gotten himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 4 (all dressed in white) on november 26

**Author's Note:**

> Contact me at hopingforaword.tumblr.com with prompts/ideas/comments. Thanks for reading!  
> Chapter two will be be out Wednesday September 27 by 10 pm EST


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